My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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