dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
