True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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