I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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