While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize