He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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