1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
