Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
