Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
