mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's blow job season.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
