That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
