This is not my ceiling
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are the jesus of drinking
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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