I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
