I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
