Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
