Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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