Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
