need another drink. this is the easiest way
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize