haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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