i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
