I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
