: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
