youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
