She's JV to your varsity
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
