I am in a vortex of obligation.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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