We're like a lot better than the average bears
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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