Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
