remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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