There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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