Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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