I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
