you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
