Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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