Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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