Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
