remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
