im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
