cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
