Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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