As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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