did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
