I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
