Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
