Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
