A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
