Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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