This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
