The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All the doctor said was why
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
