Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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