i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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