When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need a beard to bite.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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