marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
