Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
