I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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