Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"