can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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