I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
