I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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