She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
