He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
