(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
