She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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