Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
