everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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