Will you blow on my dice?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
