We're facebook friends in real life
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
