I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
