it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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