As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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