i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
