She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish you could order shots online.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
