so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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